The window pane looks dark grey, although it has a white paint on it’s verge, or it may be the weather which makes it look dull and uninteresting, the weather which has been playing up in this part of the world, for a reason not known to play infidel in this start of summer days, or it might as well be,  just the state of my mind; dejected, grim, firm, crowded, clout of bad ideas flouting their prowess with my sense of feel good factor floating like a froth which is ready to get evaporated. I’m in a state of art mess, the art of rejection of my mind is blissfully wandering towards the darkness of a boring, twisted boat ride, there does not seem any place to anchor my hope. Is it depression, no, probably not, because when people are depressed, they do not feel energized, but I do. I strongly channelize my energies to feel good about the state of dejection, er, I’m probably trying to get into a depressive state, or am I trying to get over it, too many things are going wrong for me at a time, which one to pick and start with, me, my family, my job, the plans about my career, can somebody help me, do I need help, or am I just hallucinating the state of my being. I’m unsure, its too dark I can’t see things clear enough.

‘Hi Broda!’ – My phone shows up the whatsapp message from my dear friend. ‘My brother, from a different mother’ – we keep saying this to each other, and we firmly believe that things co-incidentally happen to us simultaneously, irrespective of our geographical location – It had been so since we have meet, almost a decade back. Even the state of affair of things had been magically similar for us, I mean almost voodoo-ish similar – Once, I bought a high end music player in Mumbai, and almost in the same week he gets a similar one of the same brand, in UK, and we end us sharing the news on the social media exactly on the same day. There are hundred such  other co-incidences, but the moot point is, right now, given this dejected state of mine, I was quite surprised to receive his messages – Why? In the last few months, pretty much keeping up ‘our’ pattern, this dude had managed to fight his sanity, all thanks to a free fall in his personal and professional life, not in that order but both landing up in doldrums at the same time – and the extent of his Shakespearean tragedy seems to reaching crescendo in the the coming weeks. Anyway, I managed to throw the dark thoughts aside, and reply him.

All slated now, he mentioned. I mean that’s a joke for sure, as ‘all slated implies, done and dusted, things are carved out, it is all good now’. But that is not how things are right now. I pinged back, ‘so what is plan A, B and C?’. There is not much of a contemplation in our chat transcript. His next four sentences seemed like charged whipping to me, lashed me look wide at the window pane once again.

“If the job does not work out, no worries, and say if this foreign offer does not come by, that is absolutely what I’m for right now, still no sweat ! I have the tiny savings from my UK days, I have decided to invest them. I will pack my bags and take off for a four country holiday for 6-8 months, free and living. Would get to see life form the other side and find something new which I might like to do, even if it entails starting things from scratch. I would invest in myself, for the first time in my life, would push to live life again, would sponsor my free breath, too much of a brooding. So dude that’s the plan, lets invest in us! ”

The window pane looks bright now, it does have a white paint on it’s verge, or it may be the weather which is freshening up, the sun had just decided to slip off from his sabbatical.

This post is for #lookup at Housing.


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